On the Inside

The Only One?

2005-12-21T16:52:00.000-05:00

long time, no post. Not much has been going on, though i've been in a better, more social mood in recent days, and I'm now on Christmas break. I should be wrapping gifts right now but I got out of bed at 3:30 anyway so it's kindof a lost cause. Anyway, just thought I'd make a quick post; A poem I wrote yesterday, after reading some by a friend of mine who is a much better poet than I. It inspired me. It's just pretty much how I feel most of the time when I am around other people, i.e. classmates. Anyway, enjoy.

THE ONLY ONE

I hate this feeling,
This ominous despair
That invades all my thoughts,
Brings forth fears that aren't there.

I am the only one who's careful
The only one who isn't late
I am the only one who understands
but no one can reciprocate.

I am the only one with priorities
A plan for just what is ahead
No one can understand the feelings
That stomp around within my head

It seems as though I'm a machine
Continuing a gleeful charade
I am a short and melted candle
Buring with flames of the irate.

Photobucket

2005-12-03T12:40:00.000-05:00

This is a test post from Photobucket.com

2005-11-09T18:39:00.000-05:00

Today I wrote a poem in class. i don't know why i thought if it but i did, and I think it's kindof epic. lol Well, read it. It's about a problem that too many families in this country face every day, that causes too many families to live in fear. Read!

What You Did

You stumbled through the door
Heard the sound of a snore
Slurring words as you screamed,
Interrupting her dream.

She listened for a moment
Lost her hope that
It wouldn't happen again tonight

She hid her under the bed
Said, Don't poke out your head,
Cover up your ears tight,
Stay the hell out of sight.

You stormed into the room
She heard a scream, then a boom
Yelling at the poor woman,
She knew it was an omen.

SCREEEEAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMM

She sobbed and rattled and shook,
felt like this was out of a book.
You trudged up the stairs,
Pulling her by her hair
She's not here, the woman cried,
Before you kicked her in the side.
Burst open the bedroom door,
Screaming, Shut up you whore!

She screamed in anguish and fear
You dug your foot in her ear.
Blood all over the floor,
You bashed her head in the door.

Then from under the mattress,
You heard a young shriek.
Tossed her out of the window,
She fell two floors deep.

You reached under the bed,
Pulled some hair out of her head.
Punched her hard in the gut,
And shouted, Shut up you slut!

The child's face was a pool
Of sticky tears, sweat, and drool.
She wriggled, trying to get free,
But her fear caused her to pee.

Filthy dog, what's wrong with you!
You couldn't clean my.......shoes!
You screamed right in her ears
But by now, all she hears--

is the voice in her mind
Saying, if you do leave this behind,
You'll be safe, finally!
No more fear, you'll be free!

As she said her desperate prayers
You dragged her into your lair.
She crawled, squirmed to escape,
Horrified of the rape.

No, she screamed, anything but this!
You swung for her neck but missed.
She bolted down the winding stairs
But was caught unaware.

Down she tripped, you grabbed her up,
Shrieking cruel and obscene stuff.
No, she begged, leave me alone!
As the wall cracked her tender bones.

STOP THE ABUSE

Welcome to the Land of Oz!

2005-11-08T18:52:00.000-05:00

Where everything is anything but what it seems! Where I profess my soul to you, in poetry and writing form! Where everything is discussed that I don't want to put in my other, nicer blog.

Moving right along, I, being thirteen, frequently have issues with school and people who go there, so don't be surprised to hear me getting a bit overzealous in my persecution of institution. In a nutshell, it sucks. Not always, but today. I feel like I'm about to explode in anger and frustration at the fact that I get about 0% attention there and feel as if I can't really talk to anyone there. teachers, adults, yes, but fellow classmates? Nada. Maybe they're willing to listen when no one else is around, or on the phone, or when you're hanging out, but the truth of the matter is, how can I ever know that they are truly paying attention to what I'm saying and how I feel as opposed to you thinking, 'God why won't she shut up? I have vocab homework and I'm wasting my time with her?'

days go by so monotonously now, and I hate the business and rush of all of it. It feels unfair that so much can happen in a couple of months, all to me, not anyone else. I have to worry about high school. I have to worry about confirmation and service. I have to worry about parent-teacher conferences and keeping my grades up, because I know the day that A slips to a B, all I will hear will be: 'How did this happen? I'm just trying to understand, how you went from an A to a B? That's a whole grade. Explain to me! If you really turned in everything, how is it that you went an entire grade down?'

Alright, and as today's entry's finisher, a poem, of course. That is what this blog is for anyway.

It's not my time
It isn't fair
I haven't got the time to care
I don't want this
But I don't want to be alone
Must I accept this self-made throne?

Above all of them, I aspire to be--
It is a goal that I have never reached
I tire away
I haven't a choice
When I'm in this prison
I lose my voice

There are mystic powers
With strengths beyond mine
Strengths to catch up with them,
I cannot find.
It's not very hard
At least, maybe not to you,
But when I think of that chamber
I feel like a fool.

*~*~~*~*